Big Jack McKrak the Ballet Man
Katherine D. Bennett
Far back in the Wild Woods, in Stinkyfoot Hollow, there is the Stinkyfoot Hollow Lumber Mining Trucking Company. It isn’t too busy on Thursdays or Fridays, or the weekends, but the fellers that work there don’t mind a bit. To be perfectly honest, it is only really busy on Tuesdays, and only then if it don’t rain. Or snow. Or if it ain’t good fishin’ weather.
Well, the Stinkyfoot Hollow Lumber Mining Trucking Company is owned and managed by a certain Legendary Feller named Big Jack McKrak. Now Big Jack McKrak and his Equally Legendary Sweetheart, Lola May Mufflebaum, have always lived in Stinkyfoot Hollow, and they never wanted to leave. They had everything they needed in Stinkyfoot Hollow. Big Jack had his Lumber Mining Trucking Company, and Lola May owned the Sling ’em Round Cafe and Hair Fixin Boutique. So between them both, they had plenty to do except on Thursdays and Fridays and weekends, and were considered to be important folk in Stinkyfoot Hollow.
In fact, Big Jack and Lola May were happy as a bird that had never been in a cage, and they had a fine time most every day of the week. Why, they would have always been perfectly happy except that the Infernal Bus broke down and dumped a bunch of High Falutin Folk in the middle of a perfectly good Thursday, and changed Big Jack McKrak forever. It got his head in the clouds and turned him into the Ballet Man, and things have never been the same on Thursdays since then.
See now, this is how it happened......
It was a Thursday..of course...and Big Jack and his sweetie Lola May were sittin on the porch of Indigo Chickenfeet’s house with Indigo Chickenfeet, the mayor and best all around bagpipe player in all of Stinkyfoot Hollow. He was also the only fella in all of the Wild Woods that knew how to work on the Infernal Bus when it broke down because Indigo Chickenfeet had a Special Understanding about Buses. Now the Infernal Bus never came to Stinkyfoot Hollow because it Just Never Did, so whenever the Infernal Bus broke down, poor old Indigo Chickenfeet had to go to wherever the durn thing was and fix it. Usually it broke down in Blundersville down Highway YY, and that was just fine because Indigo had a cousin that lived there that played the accordian, and after the Infernal Bus was fixed, Indigo and his cousin would play beautiful accordian and bagpipe duets for the passengers until the bus departed to parts unknown. Indigo and his cousin figured that their music had a special magic for buses because as soon as they began to play the Infernal Bus seemed to just fly away down the road.
Well, Big Jack, Lola May and Indigo were sittin on the porch when the call came that the Infernal Bus broke down once again in Blundersville. To be perfectly honest, Indigo was plumb put out with having to leave a perfectly good Thursday and fine company to go fix that Infernal Bus, but he knew his duty. Big Jack and Lola May felt bad for their good friend having to leave the comfort of the front porch and the pleasure of their very fine company to go fix a bus, too. So they decided to gather up some of their friends and go along to Blundersville to kind of cheer Indigo along as he went to do his Bus Fixin.
So Big Jack and Lola May went and fetched Appledew Jones, who had always secretly adored Indigo Chickenfeet so she agreed to come right along. Joe Pat Buffletoes and his brother Larry Pat and their other brother Pat Pat all went along because they went along with anything. Then they found Darcy Jane Pitterpat and her cousins Buffy Jane and Doris Jane, and they went along because it was getting to be an interesting group and they loved bagpipe and accordian duets. Finally, they took along Clarinda Trump because she was always sensible and besides she played the bass drum, and Big Jack thought that Indigo and his cousin might like for her to play along.
Well, Indigo was as happy as a lark that all his friends were coming along to Blundersville, and the whole thing kind of took on a feeling of a party or something good. They all figured that they would get that Infernal Bus fixed in a jiffy, and then they would listen to some soothing music played by Indigo and his cousin, accompanied by the gentle banging of Clarinda Trump on her bass drum.
Well, they all got to Blundersville, and sure enough, the Infernal Bus had a problem with its Goomhouser. Unfortunately, Goomhousers are harder to fix than most other parts, and Indigo had to send off to Plunkersville for a Spratlesprocket to fix it up right. It would mean that all the folk on the Infernal Bus would have to wait for three or seven hours to get on their way to parts unknown. Well the Infernal bus was full of High Falutin Folk from the Society of Culture and Fancy Stuff, and they was going around to all the wild woods showing all the people about what they was missin by livin out in the wild woods instead of in a High Falutin Place. Well the High Falutin Folk were not too happy about having to wait in Blundersville of all places when they all had such important things to do in other places.
Just about the unhappiest people on the Infernal Bus were Priscilla Stephanie Abernathy and Bertrum Oswald Pinkerstein. They were the Extra Special High Falutin people on the bus because they were from the City and they were ballet dancers that had at one time danced on a Great Big Stage on the back row of an actual ballet in front of a Large Audience. Oh! My! They were the fanciest people that the friends from Stinkyfoot Hollow had ever seen. They were all full of fancy ways, so full in fact that they barely seemed able to keep all their fancy inside. They came gracefully stomping off the bus demanding to know what was going on, and what was the delay, and where was the manager, and they couldn’t believe that they were stuck in Blundersville when they had important things to do Elsewhere. Besides all that other stuff that made them unhappy, there was the unrefutable fact that they, the Almost Members of an Impressive Ballet Company Sometime in the Past Decade or So needed to rehearse something called an arabesque and a pas de basque. Well Big Jack McKrack stepped right forward and told them that if they tried any of that stuff here in Blundersville, let alone Stinkyfoot Hollow that they had better be prepared to clean it up. Clarinda Trump said that they didn’t need to use that kind of language in mixed company and Indigo Chickenfeet glared.
Well, Priscilla Stephanie Abernathy and Bertrum Oswald Pinkerstein came right down off their high horses because they Just Did, which meant they weren’t entirely stupid, and they looked a little bit less High or Flautin and Bertrum quickly explained thet they were terms used to describe special steps used in Ballet. That’s when it all started for real. As Bertrum explained that an arabesque was a pose where a dancer stood carefully on one leg with the other extended behind, Priscilla rose up gracefully up on her tippy toes and lifted up her hind leg until it was way up in the air. Big Jack and everyone else goggled their eyes at that amazing thing. Then Bertrum told them that a pas de basque was a sliding step that looked like this, and he did a little fancy sliding gliding step that ended up all neat and proper. That did it for Big Jack. He just had to try it himself. He grabbed Lola May by the hand and told Indigo Chickenfeet and his cousin and Clarinda Trump to get busy with some soothing music. Then he and his sweetheart tried out all kinds of fancy ballet dancing steps. They tried a cabriole and a pas de chat. They tried a twirl and a a few fancy hops. They were breathless with all wonder of it all. Then that Bertrum did something that really made Big Jack’s eyes bug out of his head. He reached over and picked up old Priscilla and hefted her clear up over his head and made her look like she was floating on his head! Big Jack and all the fellers from Stinkyfoot Hollow gathered around and felt old Bertrum’s arm muscle because they couldn’t quite believe that a skinny fella like Bertrum could really heft a gal like Priscilla up off the ground, let alone hold her clear up in the air. Why he was as solid as a rock.
Well, that was all it took. From that moment on Big Jack began to love ballet. All that wonderful afternoon and clear past sunset, Big Jack and his sweetheart, Lola May, and all their friends and the High Falutin Folk danced. Indigo and his cousin and Clarinda played all the soothing music they knew, and then they made up some new music, and it all seemed like magic to everyone except Indigo who had to stop and fix the Infernal Bus when the Spratlesprocket was delivered. When it was time for the High Falutin Folk to leave to Elsewhere, they all felt just a little bit sad. Big Jack felt the saddest of them all. All that wonderful afternoon and even after sunset, he had felt like he had found something that had been lost, and now he was losing it again. He wanted to dance the wonderful dance everyday for all of his life.
For days and days afterward, Big Jack was sad. He didn’t feel like going fishing with Joe Pat, Larry Pat, and Pat Pat when they went to the river on Saturday. He didn’t want to sit on Indigo Chickenfeet’s front porch, though he did, and he didn’t even blink when Appledew Jones sent over a slice of pie for each of them, especially for Indigo Chickenfeet. Usually he ate apple pie right down but this time he just pushed it around the plate for a while before he ate it. After days and days of this, Lola May finally had enough of it and she said, “Enough is enough!”
She closed up the Sling ’em Round Cafe and Hair Fixin Boutique, and she fetched the shiniest truck from The Lumber Mining Trucking Company and she put Big Jack in the back and she hauled him off the library in Plunkersville. He sat sadly in the back of the truck and when they got to the library, Lola May had to give him the Get Off Your Backside and March Look. So, sadly Big Jack climbed down off the truck and he Slumped into the library after Lola May even though she had given him the Get Off Your Backside and March Look.
Once they were inside, Lola May asked the nice library lady if the Plunkersville Library had any information about Ballet Dancing, and lo and behold! they did! They had three books about ballet and one of them had pictures. They even had four home movies of the librarian’s niece that lived Far Away that was in some ballet recitals. She couldn’t bear to let anyone take the movies out of the library, but she did set everything up and let Lola May and Big Jack watch them right there. Big Jack began to smile.
Well they checked out the books and took them to the Sling ’em Round Cafe. They spent all afternoon looking through the books and thinking and talking about the fancy dancing. Then Lola May had a Great Idea. This is what is was. They would form their own Ballet Dancing Company right there in Stinkyfoot Hollow! Big Jack was so tickled by the idea that he bolted out of the Sling ’em Round Cafe and ran right over to Indigo’s house to tell him the news. Soon they had all their friends gathered up and they headed back over to Sling ’em Round Cafe. Why everyone was so excited that they pushed back all the tables that didn’t have customers eatin’ there, and they tried out some of the fancy dance steps right then and there. They danced all evening and way into the night when the stars were gleamin’ in the sky like thousands of wonderful dreams.
The next morning early they all piled in Big Jack’s truck and went back to the Plunkersville Library. Now, being it was Saturday, it didn’t open until noon, but that didn’t stop the friends! They just practiced their contretemps on the lawn until someone called the librarian in a panic complaining about the maniacs hopping about in front of the most dignified building in Plunkersville. She rushed right over, and was happy to let them in the library to see the home movies of her niece that lived Far Away in her recitals if they would all promise to stop hopping around. Well, they all promised, and she soon had them all watching the movies quietly.
Needless to say, they were all very excited about what they saw. Appledew Jones and the Pitterpat cousins couldn’t wait to get started on making those fancy dancing dresses called tutus. Now this was where they ran into their first problem. The fellas didn’t think they wanted to wear fancy dancing dresses called tutus, and they couldn’t find any pictures of what the gentlemen folk might wear during a real ballet dance. Well, they all visited about it for a while, and they decided that maybe they would wear their old football uniforms from way back when they were in high school, or maybe just good old plain workin clothes. They got to figuring that the main thing was to be comfortable while they was pickin up the girls in their fancy tutus. Soon it was all settled.
They hurried back to Stinkyfoot Hollow, stopping only to pick up Indigo Chickenfeet’s cousin and his accordian. When they got back to Stinkyfoot Hollow, they got right busy making up their first Great and Magificent Grand Ballet. The fellas built a platform out in the big clearing by the creek, and they even put benches all around it for the folks that might want to come and watch. The ladies figured out some mighty fine ballet dancing dresses made over from old prom dresses and bridesmaids dresses. With the old dresses and a few nice lace curtains, they were all set. Then Big Jack and Lola May got busy and figured out all the fancy dance steps they would use in their fine new dance. They all practiced and practiced for days and days. Fnally, they were ready for their first Great and Magnificant Ballet Performance.
Well, you have to imagine that all the people from Stinkyfoot Hollow couldn’t wait for the first Great and Magnificant Ballet Parformance! They had been watching the goings on for quite a while, and they thought it might be a nice change of pace to attend. In fact, quite a few folk from Blundersville came too.
Indigo Chickenfeet and his cousin and Clarinda Trump all started playing some soothing new music they made up themselves, and Big Jack and Lola May and the rest all came out on the platform and began to do their dance. Everyone in the audience was amazed. Lola May, Big Jack, the Pitterpat cousins, the Buffletoes brothers and Appledew Jones all spun and twirled and leapt about the stage. The fellas even hefted the girls up over their heads and lugged them all around the stage, their dresses billowing out like colorful clouds. No one tripped or anything. No one got dropped. It was an amazing night. When it was all over, the audience went wild, clapping and cheering. Big Jack beamed with pure joy. He had never felt more alive in his whole born days.
Well, starting that day, the Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company was born. Word began to spread throughout the wild woods and even to Elsewhere that come Thursdays, the thing to do was go watch Big Jack McKrak and the Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company perform their latest dance. Big Jack and Lola May became the stars of the Company. Why, Big Jack would grab ahold of Lola May and spin her like a top! He would sail her through the air like an airplane! It was purely amazing!
Thursday after Thursday The Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company would dance their dances. Sometimes the Buffletoes brothers would be busy doing something else, and sometimes the Pitterpat cousins would be busy doing something else, but not Big Jack McKrak and Lola May! No sir! They were there every Thursday night, spinnin and leapin and swayin to the beautiful music being played by Indigo Chickenfeet, his cousin, and Clarinda Trump on the bass drum.
The Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company started to become a little bit famous. In fact, folks from All Over were talking about their wonderful ballet dancing on Thursdays. In fact, so many people were talking about the wonderful dancing that a Famous and Important Director of a Famous and Important Ballet Company in a Big and Important City heard about the Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company! His name was Jean-Claude Stumblepied, and at first he couldn’t believe his ears when he heard of people in the Wild Woods dancing ballet. Ballet is never danced in Wild Woods! Ballet is danced in important places! He was outraged! This could not be!
He decided to go to the wild woods himself to see for himself if anyone was really dancing ballet. He took along his Most Famous Ballerina, the lovely and graceful Isabella Butterfly, because he Just Did, and went to the Wild Woods to Stinkyfoot Hollow on the next Thursday that his schedule would allow.
Sure enough, Stinkyfoot Hollow was abuzz with activity, with everyone getting ready for the evening performance of their new ballet called The Whacking Hatchet. It was going to be a splendeferous event to be sure! The ladies had made some brand new tutus out of Appledew Jones’s mother’s old wedding dress, and the fellas had all spiffed up their old uniforms with some sparkly craft paint on their numbers. They all looked divine. Indigo Chickenfeet and his cousin and Clarinda Trump had made up a brand new song for the evening, and they even added some humming to one part of it to fill out the harmonies. Everything was going to be perfect.
The dancers took their places, with Big Jack McKrak and Lola May in the front, the music started up, and they all began their new ballet, dancing and twirling and jumping way high under the bright stars and headlights from Big Jack’s trucks. It was amazing! The crowd went wild when it was finished. Everyone clapped and whistled and cheered. Well, everyone but Jean-Claude Stumblepied. He frowned and scowled. He pulled his mustaches and grimiced. He was positively beside himself with displeasure. When everyone else was clapping, he was booing! While everyone else cheered he hissed! He jumped out of his seat and rushed up on the stage waving his arms for silence.
“Stop!” he bellowed. “Cease this nonsense!”
Everyone in the audience fell silent because they Just Did, and looked at him wonderingly. No on had ever done such a thing before, and some of the folk were wondering if Jean-Claude Stumblepied was a Very Important Person, and some were wondering if he was A Bit Crazy, and the rest were wondering if he had Very Bad Manners. Anyway, old Jean-Claude rushed up on the stage and hollered out, “Stop! Cease this nonsense!” and everyone got quiet and looked expectantly at him wondering what in the world he was going to say.
“You poor ignorant people!” began Jean-Claude Stumblepied. “You have to stop this nonsense! You are embarressing yourselves, and you don’t even know it! This is not truely ballet! This is a clumsy farce! You call yourselves dancers?! I call you clowns! You call these silly outfits tutus? I call them pajamas! You call this music? I call it noise! You have no idea what ballet is supposed to be like! You have no idea what true beauty is like! You are all foolish, ignorant bumpkins!”
The crowd fell silent. Jean-Claude Stumblepied turned dramatically and pointed at Isabella Butterfly, the Most Beautiful and Graceful Ballerina in the Whole Entire World, and he said, “Now this woman is what ballet is all about! Come up here, dear Isabella, and show these clumsy creatures what years of training and true talent look like.”
Now, it is important to know something about Isabella Butterfly. Isabella Butterfly was a true ballet dancer. That means that she loved ballet for all the right reasons. She loved the feeling of the music in her bones, and she felt in her soul and breath the movement of the dance. She felt all the glory of the moment when she was dancing, and she loved it more than she could say, even if she spoke about it with all the words in the world. When Isabella watched the Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking Company, she saw that they were loving ballet as much as she did in their own way, and she thought it was beautiful. She was very angry with Jean-Claude Stumblepied’s rudeness and wrongness. So when she went up on the stage, graceful as a soft breeze, he thought she was angry about the Whacking Hatchet, too, because she looked angry. The people of Stinkyfoot Hollow thought so too.
Silently, she stood on the stage, as slender as a willow wand, the light of the stars and the moon and the headlights surrounding her with a soft glow. She turned and looked at Indigo Chickenfeet and his cousin and Clarinda Trump and nodded her head to them. Without a word, she gracefully arranged herself into beautiful stillness. Softly, Indigo Chickenfeet began to play a tune on his bagpipes. Isabella Butterfly began to move to the music. The music began to swell out of Indigo in a brand new way, and Isabella danced. Her feet seemed to float across the rough hewn stage on the music. It seemed that the music poured through her, even to the tips of her fingers. It was beautiful.
The Stinkyfoot Hollow Ballet Lumber Mining Trucking company watched her uncomfortably. They knew as they watched her that they would never be as wonderful as the amazing Isabella Butterfly. She twirled and glided over to the edge of the stage, and suddenly, she stopped and looked at Big Jack McKrak. She extended her hand to him and motioned for him to join her on the stage. As if in a dream, Big Jack went on the stage with Isabella Butterfly, and together they danced.
They danced together like they were one person. Together they danced like the rustling leaves on the trees and the smooth flowing breeze. They made the music seem like an alive thing. They danced together like they belonged together. Out in the audience Lola May watched Big Jack, her true love, dance with Isabella Butterfly, and her heart swelled with pride because he was so wonderful. And her heart broke a little bit because she knew that she could never dance like Isabella Butterfly. Even though she was happy for him, dancing like he dreamed of dancing, she felt tears trickling down her cheeks like disappearing dreams.
The music stopped. The people of Stinkyfoot Hollow were silent for a long moment. They knew that Big Jack McKrak was a true dancer and that they were not. They all felt in their bones that he would leave them to go to Someplace Important, and dance with Famous and Important People. They didn’t want him to go. Appledew Jones went to stand next to her friend Lola May. Lola May buried her head on Appledew’s shoulder and she cried quietly.
On the stage, Isabella Butterfly and Big Jack were standing as still as statues and then Big Jack moved. He breathed in deeply like he was waking up from a wonderful dream. He felt magnificant and happy. He looked deeply into Isabella Butterfly’s eyes and smiled.
“Miss Isabella Butterfly!” he said with a ringing laugh in his voice. “That was wonderful and you are very beautiful! Why it is almost as wonderful dancing with you as it is dancing with my own true love, Lola May Mufflebaum. And you are almost as beautiful!”
Lola May looked up, her cheeks still wet with tears. Did she hear right? Could it be that her true love, Big Jack, was saying those wonderful things? Big Jack was looking for her in the audience, and when he saw her, he smiled his biggest, best, happiest smile.
“Oh! Lola May! You need to come up here and try these here new fancy steps! We have all kinds of new things to try! We are going to have so much fun!” He reached out his hand for hers. “Come on Lola May! Let’s dance!”
And then, Lola May smiled, too. She took Big Jack’s hand and went up on their stage, and together they danced under the stars and in the bright lights of the headlights of a dozen big trucks. It was a magical night.
Isabella Butterfly quietly left the stage. She silently motioned for Jean-Claude Stumblepied to follow her. He started to protest, but she gave him a very stern look, and he quieted right down and follwed her using Very Good Manners. She glided from the clearing, full of wonderful thoughts. She knew that for her whole life she would remember how wonderful it was, dancing in the Wild Woods under the stars with Big Jack. She knew that whenever she was weary from being in Important Places doing Impressive Things, she would only have to close her eyes and remember dancing for the Pure Joy Of It with Big Jack in Stinkyfoot Hollow. She turned and looked back at Big Jack and Lola May. They were smiling and happy, trying to do a pas de ciseaux. The Buffletoe Brothers joined them. They all looked beautiful and strong. They looked like friends being together. It was wonderful.
Jean-Claude Stumblepied didn’t understand at all. He followed after her waving his arms and muttering about how terrible it was to leave a Natural Wonder like Big Jack behind in the Wild Woods, dancing with Just Plain Regular Folk!
“Hush! Jean-Claude! It is as it should be!” exclaimed Isabella. “Look! They are happy!”
Isabella Butterfly smiled because her heart was happy, too. Her feet danced a little as she went back to her own place far away from the Wild Woods. And even though he was a nuisance, she took cranky old Jean-Claude Stumblepied with her.